Leadership and Life – O'Sullivan Wright

Peer Advisory Groups – Dedicated to YOUR Success

Darcy — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 15:17:23 +0000

My husband Tom is a successful architect who enjoyed the building boom for many years. His business, however, associated with housing and development, was one of those that came crashing down in the financial downturn of 2008. Like so many others, he struggled to keep afloat. He and his partner did not agree on how to secure their future, so they split, and the business went from a thriving 45-person firm, to six employees. With a lot of work and worry, Tom was able to pull the business back together, even to the point where he was making money again. But a huge question gnawed at him. Could he sustain this? Should he shut down or sell the company? Should he bring in a successor? Tom really labored over these decisions and after much night pacing and mental anguish still was not sure what to do.

A few years ago Tom joined a peer advisory group. These were just the sort of circumstances such groups were designed to address, so he brought his dilemma to his group. Tom laid it all out – not just the circumstances, but his experiences, his values, the long view of his life, where his heart was. Unanimously his peers told him he still had “fire in his belly” for this work. They challenged him to find the best performer he could and raise him up to take over. Tom did just that, recruiting one of his former star architects back into the firm. A year later, his “mini-ME” is in place and things are looking good. My husband came back to life. His peer advisory group was, in a sense, his professional emergency response team, dedicated to his leadership and success.

A peer advisory group is a confidential group of committed individuals who come together on a regular basis to help each other move through situations. It is indeed lonely at the top, and often an executive cannot bring their teams in on “sticky” issues. These groups can be all non-competing businesses but composed of peer level executives who deal with the same kinds of issues. They challenge one another and work through situations and issues together. This is a vital resource that provides mutual benefits to those who contribute to resolutions, as well as those who receive the obvious benefit of enhanced “brainpower.” These groups are a new trend in leadership, one that provides leaders what they previously lacked – trusted advice, committed partnership in success, and a confidential lifeline in critical situations.

My husband’s group is Vistage, the largest such peer advisory group. Since 1957, Vistage has been bringing together successful CEOs, executives and business owners into private advisory groups, whose sole purposes are to help members improve the performance and outcomes of their businesses. Groups are regional, generally composed of about a dozen peer members. I have my own similar peer group we affectionately call the “Tree House Gang” because we resembled more of a group of friends, all in the same business, who met regularly at our “tree house” of choice. I have been part of this group for years, and we have laughingly said the only way out is to die. We have become much more than “professionals” discussing our similar businesses. We are friends for life who are genuinely involved and desire the best for our fellow members in business and in life in general. There are many similar groups, such as Master Mind. Each group has its own unique set of “operating procedures.”

I am excited to announce that I now also will be part of the Vistage family. I have been selected as the first female Chair to serve the Charlotte community, the second Vistage group in the state of North Carolina. Vistage really appealed to me not only because of my first hand experience with my husband’s group, but also because Vistage is so well organized and committed to the concept of helping each other reach significance in their professions. This, of course, is near and dear to my heart, since my partnership with Vistage speaks to my own personal and professional mission – to be the best FOR the world, versus best IN the world, a concept I discuss in my book, “UP: Pursuing Significance in Leadership and Life.” It is not so much about doing better, it is about being better and being best for the world. Leadership is not done, it is lived. My commitment to Charlotte’s new Vistage community is that our city’s leaders will live all that’s possible for their leadership because they learn regularly from others who are best FOR the world.

Can you imagine what can be accomplished when you put a dozen or so high level business executives in one room and provide challenges for them to break through together? All of the combined rich experience and wisdom is applied to all such challenges. These aren’t just surface discussions. The group dives deeply into intense issues, examining all aspects openly in an environment of mutual trust, respect, and confidentiality. The potential in these groups is enormous.

Peer advisory groups are rapidly becoming the “tool of choice” for top level executives and business owners. The Vistage system has over 18,000 members in 16 countries. This powerful leadership resource is growing daily. A 2013 analysis revealed that companies that joined Vistage over the past five years grew at twice the rate of average U.S. companies.

Now isn’t that a statistic you’d like to live?

Scratch Resolutions, Speak Declarations

Darcy — Wed, 21 Jan 2015 16:33:26 +0000

Recently I had the privilege of attending a corporate banquet where I met a top executive who was charming and attentive to everyone he met. He made the rounds and chatted with people as if he had all the time in the world, and those people were most important to him. People spoke of this man in glowing terms, marveling at his consistent dedication. He was universally admired. I soon learned this man was attending his fifth such event in that evening alone.

Being the inquisitive creature I am, I asked him about this kind of schedule, and his ability to meet all these commitments with such aplomb and ease. We had an intriguing conversation about how he saw himself as a role model, and that what he was doing was his job. He further explained that he kept himself in top physical condition, just so he could be “fully present when I am with others.” He spoke of the art of life balance and making sure he could be the best he could be, for the people. It was evident that his choices involved sacrifices as well, but those did not outweigh his desire to be a role model for others.

I was struck at by how this man embodied the qualities of a Sherpa, a person who leads others up the highest mountains in the world. Sherpas are those who have the experience, the keen knowledge of the mountain, and the desire to see others succeed. Sherpas must be in top physical condition in order to lead others.

Some time ago I developed a life and leadership model that utilizes mountaineering terms and concepts called The Summit Advance Model. Basically, it is a “mountain” with two sides and three levels. The lower level is the place of Survival. The middle level represents Success, and the top level is Significance. The two sides are opposing, representing personal focus. The left side is self-centered. The right side is “others-centered.” For the sake of distinction, I labeled the levels, sides and “inhabitants” of this model as follows:

At this moment I am only addressing the top level of Significance, where the two sides will find “Top Guns,” who are concerned with being the best IN the world, and “Sherpas,” whose only focus is being best FOR the world. There is quite a difference between the two. Tops Guns are consumed with ego. Sherpas are devoted to others.

Sherpas live their purpose, to see others reach the top. Their service, legacy and significance resides in others. They are extremely loyal, people of integrity and truth, trusted explicitly. They understand risks and sacrifice, and how those are calculated against the compelling vision of the summit. They have inspired countless climbers to reach the tops of the peaks they pursue. Sherpas sacrifice beyond what most would ever consider, in order to protect and provide for the success of their climbing partners.

As my conversation continued with this corporate Sherpa, I perceived that this man’s efforts were not about his success, but the success of others. It was his singular motivation. He was declaring, both privately and publicly, that he had made the choice to be best FOR the world, living as a corporate Sherpa to insure the success of others. He made the appropriate physical, emotional and spiritual choices to keep his declaration fueled and doable.

As we begin another new year full of resolutions to be better, do better or live better, it is important to allow this critical choice to fuel every other kind of being and doing. This should be our first New Year’s resolution – making it, in fact, a New Year’s DECLARATION. We can then develop sustaining goals to make it happen.

There is a form of power in a personal declaration. It is a “stand and deliver” announcement to your public of what you will do, not what you hope to do. I remember in my own life how those big choices to run the NYC marathon and climb Mount Kilimanjaro became so much more powerful when I turned them into declarations. Once I had declared those things out loud, to my own “public,” I was suddenly and powerfully accountable.

In this way, instead of the typical resolutions falling away mid-year as most resolutions do, making our declaration to serve others becomes part of the very core of who we are – Sherpas in training.

PEACE

Darcy — Fri, 12 Dec 2014 17:44:50 +0000

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men. Really?

This time of year “peace on earth, goodwill to men” – the famous angelic message to mankind – rings in our ears through holiday voices. Sounds good, yet do we really experience peace? I can’t address world peace here, but I will address something each of us can know – personal peace. Not easy, but definitely possible.

We know our lives are too full. Full of gadgets, gizmos and commitments. Full of promises, obligations and expectations. Full of calendar, empty of time. Technology has provided so many “time-saving” helps we can’t keep up with them. We are high tech, high speed, and high clutter. Little by little, what was supposed to save time has spent it before it arrives. What was intended to make life easier has complicated it beyond words. Our world is high tech, but our bodies, minds, and spirits are old school. We struggle to keep up, and continue to lag behind. This race is never won, all consuming, and completely exhausting. What may be crying out for attention cannot be heard over the din of technology and command performances. And the one thing that cries the loudest, but gets the least attention, is our own personal peace – that inner sense of quietude and calm.

Our bodies, minds, and spirits function their best in a state of order, quiet and peace. Hardly what we face day-to-day at work or home. We have created this world of havoc and cacophony ourselves, and have been taught to believe we must live in it, and with it. To some extent we do, but we have the personal authority to make choices to enable us to live more simply – more peacefully.

I have worked through the clutter of my own life for many years. I know it isn’t easy. We are so conditioned to nurture the chaos that it requires a strong commitment to seek the simple instead. Multiple distractions, forms of clutter, voices speaking, over-bookings and too much information keeps us from seeing, hearing or thinking clearly. When we acknowledge this is a truth for us, we can begin to clarify and sort, editing things out of our lives. This cleaning involves studying and assessing what we want to keep, then making choices and tossing out the clutter. We must look at our bodies, minds and spirits, our finances, relationships and health, the physical and emotional conditions in our homes and offices. Peace cannot be obtained until we deal with the internal and external clutter carelessly tossed on top of what we need – a clear mind, steady emotions, and a peaceful spirit.

Much of the time we can do this deep cleaning ourselves. But for some things, personal or professional, seen or unseen, rediscovering peace requires some help. What kind of expert could help you achieve a simpler life and experience more peace? Do you need a personal trainer, an executive coach, an organizational expert (for home or work), or even a therapist to help you resolve the past and keep it there? I often do make referrals for my clients to other professionals. They may need a professional organizer (I did), to get their work or home area in a streamlined efficient condition, reflecting who they are and what they do.

During the physical process we are also sorting, tossing and organizing emotionally and spiritually. Values are reclaimed, purpose is re-established. It feels good to relax into clarity instead of chaos. Every corner of life is dragged out for review, and sometimes for burial, never to be exhumed. Some sorting and organizing will not just be mountains of stuff, but mountains of gadgetry, piles of commitments and heaps of “white noise.” That may mean turning off cell phones, ignoring social networks, making fewer commitments and quieting the constant blaring of other high tech balls and chains.

Peace is not just an individual issue, but one that organizations need to consider also. This is particularly true in mergers and acquisitions where the fear of the unknown future can cause people−entire organizations−to hang onto “stuff.” The organizational attic gets cluttered with things that can prevent a rich future. If the past−or even the present−is hoarded, it will only crowd out the future.

As a special gift to yourself, and likely to those around you, turn it off, toss it out, trade it away, keeping only what you truly need, and what you honestly want. Don’t spend this time intended to reflect “peace on earth” completely deaf and dead inside. Find your own peace, and you will be much more able to spread it around as “goodwill to men.

The Great Emancipator

Darcy — Fri, 19 Jul 2013 11:25:30 +0000

Those three words usually bring Abraham Lincoln to mind, the American president credited with ending slavery in our nation. For me, however, someone else fills that role, someone who freed me as certainly as if chains of forged steel had been smashed and shackles removed. During my childhood and teen years I struggled with perfectionism, anxiety and shame. My parents had a strong performance orientation and I was receiving messages, at least as I interpreted them, that I had to strive for perfection. No… more than strive – I had to be perfect, and look perfect.

I attended a private, very competitive all-girls school which has produced some of the world’s top thinkers and doers. My friends were people who are now renowned experts in their chosen fields. I worked my heart out, trying to perform and be what I thought I was supposed to be – the perfect, straight-A student. I’m a workhorse, but as hard as I tried I could never get better than a “B.” My teachers saw me that way, too – merely a “B.” I felt I wore that label for all the world to see. To compensate, I worked harder than everyone else. I believed there was something wrong with me because I was putting in the same effort as others and not getting the same results. I was trying harder, but not getting anywhere. Part of this performance standard was not just to be the best, but to always look the best. Eventually this desperate attempt to be what I thought I was supposed to be led to a serious and shameful addiction – Bulimia. I kept this a big secret.

In college, I spent a semester in Dublin, Ireland, land of my family roots. Every weekend I stayed at the home of a cousin I had never met before, but I was soon embraced as family. Máire McDonnell Garvey was much older than I, with her own five children, a row house with dirt floors and an alcoholic husband. She had her hands full as the sole support and driving force in that family, yet Máire always found time to show her love and support for everyone else. Something clicked between Máire and me, and we built a strong bond. Her Irish wit kept me up at night listening to her stories.

Somehow Máire saw through my façade. She seemed to know my secret, though she didn’t, really. She singled me out, like I was being selected from a litter of puppies. I say this because I never felt “picked” before. I was special somehow. I never told her about my addiction, and she never asked. We had the most amazing conversations and for the first time in my life I felt unconditional love. Máire was the first person I felt who cared for me just the way I was, no matter what. No straight A’s, no standards, no expectations, just me. She encouraged me to discover why I was here, what I would be giving to the world. She believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. All of a sudden my self-imposed prison gates were opened and all expectations of performance were gone. I felt a freedom I had never known before. My soul soared. I was not free of the addiction at that time, but I was free of the heavy burden of expectation and performance.

Máire’s life was a testimony and the validation behind her encouragement to find what I would give to the world. Her passion was Irish culture, music and art. At the age of 40, after raising five children, she stepped out to complete her college degree. She authored and published five books about traditional Irish music, its history, tunes and dance, winning a prestigious award from Ireland’s President. Her joyful fiddle playing delighted everyone. Even into her final days, her personal mission was to preserve the spirit of Ireland’s past and ensure it would spill over into the next century and not be lost…and to continue encouraging others to share their “music” with the world.

Máire’s wisdom and ability to see into my soul, and her embracing love and encouragement changed my life completely and shifted my entire world view. There was such joy, acceptance and unconditional love in that home. Her alcoholic husband never got sober, but she loved him still. She found and lived her passion and encouraged others to do the same. Máire’s life was not about perfection. It was about passion, unconditional loving, encouragement and giving to others. She awakened my potential, and the ability to measure myself not on the outside, but on the inside.

I continue to live with Máire’s words of encouragement, in the shadow of her acceptance and knowledge that I would give to the world in unique ways. I can honestly say she completely changed me and freed me to embrace the personal freedom to just be me. Máire McDonnell-Garvey was my “great emancipator.”

Complete personal freedom came in stages for me, but Máire opened the cell door. And with a grateful heart I now celebrate 32 years of being free of my addiction, and I make the choice to be free every day. Over the years, with her words still ringing in my ears, I have discovered my passion, purpose and my faith in a loving God… the ultimate freedom fighter – my Divine Emancipator.

Through it all, one of my greatest discoveries is that I also have the power and opportunity to free others. I have been blessed to experience that joy many times in my work and my personal life. It takes a lot less than we think. Someone you know, or someone you may meet very soon, is just like I was, enslaved by expectations, standards, “have-to’s,” and comparisons. You may hold the key that unlocks those chains. Your interest, your encouragement, your acceptance can change a life. Who can you set free today? Tomorrow?

Beyond Survival: 10 Critical Keys to Leading People from Victims to Victors

Darcy — Tue, 21 May 2013 02:39:20 +0000

Disasters and catastrophes are part of life, and we have certainly had our share of these recently. Whether man-made, corporate, acts of nature, or acts of evil, we can’t change the fact that we will experience them. The big question here is how will we respond to them? Our future depends on the answer.

Disasters come in all shapes and sizes. They can be man-made debacles at the corporate level. They can be tragic events in personal lives. They can be natural events that devastate individuals and entire communities. Life is full of these things, and as John Lennon said, “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.” The disasters of life interrupt us, and sometimes even stop us dead in our tracks.

Regardless of the nature and causes of any kind of catastrophic event, in any place, the road to victory is the same. Leadership is the same, and requires the same skills, attitudes and actions. The questions are always the same. What do I do now? Can I survive this? Can we survive this? Can we ever know victory again, or are we consigned to being mere victims?

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Of Tigers & Termites – Introduction to the Summit Advance Model & The Road to Significance

Darcy — Tue, 21 May 2013 02:34:24 +0000

On The Yellow Brick road to Oz, Dorothy fearfully and famously uttered, “lions, and tigers and bears, oh my!” as she linked arms with the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion. The road to Oz was full of hidden dangers, obstacles, unknown evils, and unexpected surprises – even flying monkeys. The yellow brick road is life itself. It leads not to Oz, but to a large mountain —and a life altering choice.

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Pursuing Significance – An Introduction

osw_admin — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 23:15:26 +0000

Pursuing Significance Video Blog
Introduction & Welcome – 90 Seconds

Welcome to Pursuing Significance, a blog created for you. You have come to a place without borders or boundaries, where we can engage in community conversations about leadership, life and our natural human instinct to pursue significance. You were directed here or were drawn here because of your own beliefs that there is more that you were meant to do.

This blog will open your eyes to the possibilities that exist within you. It will challenge you … inspire you … affirm you … empower you … and support you in your journey towards Significance. Because we all have Significance in us … and it is my pleasure and passion to help you bring your Significance into being.

– Joan O. Wright, MSW / Master Certified Coach